Why Do We Embrace Some Changes and Resist Others?

We often talk about change as though our response to it is a defining characteristic. Some people embrace change. Others resist it.

But in a recent Monday Connection Lab conversation, I found myself thinking about how much that framing leaves out.

We can welcome change in one area, resist it in another, or struggle with what it asks of us. We might pursue something unfamiliar in our own lives while feeling unsettled by a change at work.

So perhaps the more useful question is: What shapes our experience of change?

It’s different when we choose it

Think about a change you’ve made voluntarily. Maybe you changed careers or decided to learn something unfamiliar. Even when the experience was difficult, you probably had some sense of ownership over the decision. You could imagine what you were working toward. You had a reason to tolerate the uncertainty.

Now think about a change you didn’t choose. A restructuring. A technology your organization decided everyone must adopt.

The change itself might be beneficial. You might even agree that it’s necessary. Yet your experience of it can be entirely different.

That distinction came up in our conversation: the relationship between change and our sense of control.

When we are initiating change, uncertainty can feel like possibility. When change is happening around us, that same uncertainty can feel like a loss of control.

Neither response necessarily tells us whether the change is good or bad. But both tell us something about the experience of navigating it.

Change asks us to reconsider what we know

Our discussion also explored the relationship between change and professional identity.

Consider someone who has spent twenty years becoming exceptionally good at their work. They’ve developed expertise, earned credibility, built relationships, and learned how to navigate their profession.

And then the organization decides the work needs to happen differently.

In public media, for example, we’ve seen the shift from producing primarily for a single broadcast platform toward creating content that can serve audiences across multiple channels.

That isn’t simply a matter of learning new software. It can change how people think about their craft, how they organize their work, and what it means to be good at their jobs.

Someone who was once the expert may suddenly feel like a beginner again.

That’s not a small thing.

We often approach these transitions by focusing on the skills people need to acquire. And yes, training matters. But there are other questions worth considering.

What are people being asked to leave behind?

And how do we help them carry forward what still has value?

Experience doesn’t suddenly become irrelevant because the tools change. Good judgment, professional knowledge, relationships, and an understanding of customers or audiences still matter.

The challenge is helping people see how these capabilities can remain valuable in a different way of working.

Seeing the possibility isn’t the same as knowing how to get there

During the conversation, we explored the importance of helping people understand why a change might lead to something better.

Even when people believe in the destination, they may not know how to get there.

Imagine being told that your organization is adopting AI to improve productivity. You understand the opportunity. You can see how certain tasks might become easier.

But what does that mean for your actual job?

Which parts of your work will change? What will you be expected to learn? How will your performance be evaluated while you’re learning? And what happens if you struggle?

An inspiring vision doesn’t answer those questions.

People need a way to move from what they know today toward what’s being asked of them tomorrow. That may involve training, experimentation, opportunities to practice, and time to build confidence.

People learn by doing, and that includes trial and error: trying something, discovering what doesn’t work, and trying again. They need time and support for that process.

It also requires honest conversations about what is known, what isn’t, and what will be learned along the way.

Sometimes we expect people to embrace change before we’ve helped them understand how they can participate in it.

We don’t all experience change the same way

One of the things I appreciate about Connection Lab is the opportunity to hear different perspectives on questions that don’t have tidy answers.

Our experiences shape how we respond to change.

Someone who has repeatedly benefited from taking risks may approach uncertainty differently from someone who has lost something important through organizational change.

Someone who enjoys experimenting may find possibility where another person sees disruption. And those responses can change depending on the circumstances.

I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to divide people into those who embrace change and those who resist it.

We are more complicated than that.

A person’s response may tell us something about their confidence, their previous experiences, the support available to them, or how much influence they feel they have over what happens next.

That gives leaders an opportunity to get curious before making assumptions.

What does this mean for leaders

Organizations can’t avoid change. Markets shift. Technology evolves. Customer expectations change. Business models need to adapt.

Sometimes leaders have to make difficult decisions that won’t be popular.

The goal can’t be to make every change comfortable or to ensure everyone agrees. But we can think more carefully about how people experience the process.

Before introducing a significant change, leaders might ask:

What will this change mean to the people doing the work?

Not just what tasks will change, but what knowledge, routines, and professional identities may be affected.

Where can people have meaningful influence?

The decision itself may already be made, but there may still be important choices about implementation.

What will people need to succeed?

Information, training, clear expectations, and time to build confidence? Chances to practice, make mistakes, and try again?

What are we asking people to believe?

Have we made a credible case for why the change matters without pretending there won’t be trade-offs?

None of these questions guarantees an easy transition. But they can help us approach change as something people must learn to navigate rather than simply something we announce and expect them to accept.

Perhaps the relationship is what matters

I came away from this conversation thinking less about resistance and more about relationships.

Our relationship with uncertainty. Our relationship with our own expertise. Our relationship with the people making decisions that affect us. And our relationship with learning to do something unfamiliar.

Change isn’t always exciting. It isn’t always welcome. And it certainly isn’t always easy.

But understanding what shapes our responses gives us a better starting point for helping ourselves and others move forward.

So here’s the question I’m still thinking about:

What’s the difference between a change you’ve embraced and one you’ve struggled to accept?

Was it the change itself, how you experienced it, or some combination of the two?

---

Connection Lab with Stephanie Kord Miller is held every Monday at 1 pm ET. Each week, thoughtful leaders, entrepreneurs, and builders come together to explore one important question shaping the future of leadership, AI, trust, and organizational change.

If you'd like to think through these ideas with us—not just read about them—I hope you'll join the next conversation.

About Stephanie Kord Miller

Stephanie Kord Miller is a strategic operating advisor and fractional COO who helps leadership teams create capacity for change by redesigning how work gets done, running focused experiments, and building successful ideas into sustainable operations. She works as a thought partner and guide, helping organizations strengthen their own ability to adapt.